Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. – Anton Chekhov
As I bid farewell to 2009, I know that it could not end any other way than with a full ‘blue’ moon and a lunar eclipse. Why should the tail of this wicked dragon be any less impressive than the head or body was? Why should it settle for an ordinary planetary alignment!? (oh, and I almost forgot to mention the EARTHQUAKE we had yesterday – sheesh!)
When I look back over the year, I see a fiery dervish of death and disease, loss and tragedy, stupid people, bigotry and pain. Fortunately, I also see a beautiful daughter graduating with honors, a son who not only looked fear in the face but flipped it the bird, harmony with the love of my life, a new friendship with one of the sweetest hearts I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, a loving family and supportive friends. Also in the mix was a bountiful garden, food and wine that would make the Roman gods pissy with jealousy, and the joy of returning to college – just because I wanted to. Nature gaveth and she tooketh away.
The Chinese call the December full moon the “Bitter Moon” and I can thoroughly understand why. There is much that I could be bitter over. 2009 basically kicked me in the balls. Do I feel bitter though? No, no I don’t. What I do feel is wiser, calmer, more accepting of the roller coaster ride that is life, confident and f-ing CAPABLE. I’ve learned to let things go that don’t matter and save time for the things that do (mostly), as well as knowing that I get to decide what matters to me. No longer do I need the approval of the entire ‘village’ to do what I want or be who I am. Finally, after 42 years. People will let you down, people will screw you over, people will love you and bring you joy and pain – acceptance is the thing that will even it all out in the end. It is what it is and I no longer need to keep my claws in “it”, deluding myself that I have any control whatsoever of what goes on in the world around me. The only thing I can attempt to control is my reaction to life, and that’s sketchy at best.
There are no “new years resolutions” happening, but I am looking forward to a fresh sheet of paper, new seeds in the garden, perhaps some new orchids to tend to, new semesters, a nap now and then, wine and vegetables from the garden on my table. I’m looking forward to celebrating my 15th wedding anniversary and 42nd birthday, with gusto! I shall also attempt to avoid that crap that gets dumped into a life by inconsiderate people – maybe I will be able to say NO at the right times and YES at the right times…we’ll see.
So, Happy New Year!…and to 2009 I say “goodbye, good riddance, you were a pain in the ass and you will not be missed…but thanks for the info!”